Title: Ground Rules
Written By: Cassie & Kristi
Summary: Since Mulder knocked down the wall between his apartment and Krycek's last season ... some rules need to be made so they can live together in peace ... but will it work?
Disclaimer: We don't own Mulder, Krycek, Marita. They were created by Chris Carter. They are owned by Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century FOX.

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ANGLE - TV SET - MULDER/KRYCEK APT. - NIGHT

We see a group of serious type people (some in their underwear) playing TWISTER.

NARRATOR
(serious)
Two F.B.I. Agents...

We see a short red-headed female FBI agent running with a gun.

RED HEAD
Sculder!

We see a tall brown haired male FBI agent lying on the ground being attacked by someone filming him with a camcorder...

SCULDER
Mully!

NARRATOR
And government conspirators...

ANGLE - MULDER & KRYCEK

sitting on the couch watching the TV they are grinning and laughing.

NARRATOR
"Syndicate X"... A new series
about government conspiracies,
premieres tomorrow on MSK.

ANGLE - TV

We see people who resemble The Syndicate, Mulder, and Scully standing around together... arms crossed looking serious, and proud with the network's corny music playing.

Mulder flips off the TV he looks happy.

MULDER
Wow-wee! That looks good!

KRYCEK
(annoyed again)
I was watching that.

MULDER
But who really wants to
watch the next show when
the two main characters
hooked up and now it sucks?
What's it called again? (beat)
"The Sex-Files"?

KRYCEK
Well I only watch the
ones with that hot girl.

Mulder nods in agreement.

MULDER
You got a point there buddy.
Now that the shows gone prime-time
porn, she does take her cloths off
more often, but it just sick how her
best friend got pregnant because of
her working partner.

Mulder walks off with the remote, not giving it back to Krycek. Krycek is irritated once again, and gets up and walks towards him.

KRYCEK
Ya know Mulder, since you
broke down the wall and forced
me to live with you...

Mulder is hardly listening as he digs through the refrigerator.

KRYCEK
I think we should make some
ground rules.

Mulder pulls out some chicken.

MULDER
Sure thing, buddy.

KRYCEK
Rule number one: you
don't touch Marita.

Mulder gets orange juice out of the refrigerator and opens it.

MULDER
Ok.

He drinks out of the orange juice container. Krycek looks irritated again.

KRYCEK
I bought that.

Mulder still has some orange juice in his mouth. He grins and nods as he spits it back in the orange juice carton.

Krycek looks disgusted.

MULDER
Sorry.

He holds the carton out to Krycek.

MULDER
All yours.

KRYCEK
Rule number two: don't just
take things I buy. Food, magazines
videos, nothin'. Don't use it
without permission.

Mulder opens the fridge, takes out pickles and asks:

MULDER
Are these yours?

KRYCEK
(not knowing what to expect)
Yes.

Mulder opens the pickle jar and takes a pickle and eats it. One after the other until they are all gone. The fact that he just had some orange juice seems to have slipped his mind. Krycek watches as Mulder finishes off a full jar of pickles.

MULDER
(teasing, haha breaking a rule)
Mmmm... these were so good.

Krycek looks mad.

KRYCEK
Yeah, well I'm still gonna
get my money's worth.

And with that he starts to chug down the pickle juice. But somehow the sourness of the juice doesn't seem to bother him. Mulder, disgusted, leaves the room.

Krycek swallos and makes a face, it is actually disgusting for him...

KRYCEK
(to himself)
What was I thinkin'?!

MULDER
(from other room)
What ya say? (beat) Hey
Dogstar is on TV! They rock!

Mulder glances down at the coffee table where his porn magazine is wide open, he notices some pen markings in it, he pouts.

MULDER
(angry)
KRYCEK! Rule number three:
don't draw in my magazines.

ANGLE - KITCHEN

MULDER'S POV - KRYCEK

has his head under the sink faucet, he's trying to get the pickle juice taste out of his mouth. Hearing Mulder whine, he starts to lauch, he gets water all over his head.

Mulder walks in.

MULDER
What are you doing?

Krycek gets his head out of the sink.

KRYCEK
(ignoring the fact)
Nothing.

He grabs a towel.

MULDER
Didn't you even hear my rule?

KRYCEK
Course not.

He walks out of the kitchen.

MULDER
(yelling after him)
Don't color my magazines!

Krycek sits down on the couch and turns on the TV and VCR, he presses PLAY, and picks up a magazine and starts doodling.

ANGLE - TV

it's the home video Krycek and Marita made during the vacation on the cruice boat a while back. We see cloths flying off them and Krycek's naked butt.

ANGLE - KRYCEK

looks horrified, the sounds from the TV intensify. There is screaming and yelling and moans and groans. Mulder sits down next to Krycek, he's grinning.

MULDER
Hey, I forgot to tell you I
found the porn you starred in.
Is that how you met Marita? She's
hot in this.

KRYCEK
Rules number four: What the
hell are you doing with this?!-

MULDER
-That's not a rule!

(taking out the tape)
The rules is... don't watch
this again!

Krycek starts to leave to put his tape away. Mulder mocks his last line.

MULDER
Well then (beat) rule number
five: no making home porn videos
that I can find.

Krycek angrily starts to walk where the wall used to be he's mumbling something in Russian. SUDDENLY! He trips and falls over some of the plaster that still hasn't been picked up from when Mulder knocked down the wall. He let's out a painful 'yelp!'

KRYCEK
(he's losing his tember)
Rulse number six!: Clean
up your mess!

Mulder starts to shake his head.

MULDER
Nuh-uh!.. that's on your side
of the apartment.

KRYCEK
This is one apartment, you
knocked it down, you pick
it up!

Krycek storms towards him and punches him off the couch.

MULDER
AAARRUUGH! That hurt! (beat)
Rule number seven!: DON'T HURT
ME PUNK!

He punches Krycek.

KRYCEK
Rules number eight!: DON'T
CALL ME PUNK!

Krycek WHACKS Mulder.

MULDER
You broke rule number seven!
(beat)Rule number nine: You
have to be nice to the 'Birthday
Boy'!

Krycek rolls his eyes, and almost chuckles...

KRYCEK
(calmly/insane)
Your birthday was a few
weeks ago.

MULDER
(calmly/irritated/sad)
And you didn't get me anything!

There is an awkward silence, Krycek shrugs his shoulders. Mulder just looks at him.

MULDER
(very calm, quiet)
Rule number ten: (get's aggressive)
Don't you ever ever forget
your friends birthday!

Krycek is amused.

KRYCEK
(wise ass)
When's my birthday?

Mulder has no clue, but it's not showing on his face. He's gonna attempt to guess.

MULDER
(hesitant)
April twenty-fifth...

KRYCEK
No.

He walks off.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. HAPPY GILLIGAN'S GROCERY STORE - 1 A.M.

We see Bob: The Cashier Man sweeping crushed M&Ms off the floor. Mulder and Krycek pass him, the camera follows them.

MULDER
This isn't a marriage, Krycek.

KRYCEK
Not that I'd be low enough
to marry you. We're only sharing
an apartment because you broke
down the wall. If I had it my way
I'd break into the apartment across
the hallway and move there.

MULDER
That would be illegal.

KRYCEK
Do I care?

MULDER
I don't think you care
about anything.

Bob passes by them, still sweeping the floor.

BOB
Excuse me.

KRYCEK
(to Bob)
Hey you! Do you think
I care?

BOB
About what?

KRYCEK
Anything!

BOB
(shrugs, he doesn't know)
Sure.

Krycek turns to Mulder.

KRYCEK
See!

MULDER
He doesn't know that
you intend on breaking
into an apartment that
isn't available to you,
illegally, just
to get out of having a
roommate.

BOB
Oh no way dude!
That's illegal.

Bob walks off, getting out the conversation as soon as possible. Mulder gives Krycek a 'haha' look.

MULDER
See even he understands.

Krycek glares at Mulder.

KRYCEK
Rule number fifty-seven:
don't make me look stupid
in front of other people.

Mulder grins and picks up a box of 'Lucky Charms'.

MULDER
Rule fifty-eight: We have
to buy 'Lucky Charms' everytime
we run out.

KRYCEK
Rule number fifty-nine:
And 'Cheerios'.

He holds up a box of Cheerios with a cute little Bee on it.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APT. - DARK OUT STILL (NIGHT?/MORNING?)

Krycek and Mulder are still on their couch as re-runs of the local news is airing.

They have had a few beers. They are eathing their choice of cereal... with alcohol instead of milk. They sound drunk and tired.

MULDER
Rule 162: buy
some milk.

KRYCEK
Rule number 163: I
need sleep.

Mulder attempts to stand... but fails and falls back onto the couch, causing Krycek to spill his cereal all over him. Mulder chuckles.

KRYCEK
I need sleep, Mulder.

Mulder can only manage to get a grunt of exhaustion out.

KRYCEK
I really do.

Mulder starts to snore, Krycek looks over to him.

KRYCEK
Hmmm... you've got it
good... sleep.

Krycek's eyes start to shut.

KRYCEK
(very tired)
Sleeeep......

Krycek's head falls back, Mulder cuddles up to him, Krycek starts slipping off the couch, they are both offically asleep... off the image of two friends we:

FADE OUT:

THE END