Title: "ONE OF THOSE
Feedback: A little wouldn't hurt!
Archive: Fox And Rat Virtual Series ... others,
Summary: Mulder is having a bad day ... could it
get much worse? He also meets Jeffrey Spender for
the first time!
Disclaimer: Mulder, Spender, The X.Files, and
all characters associated with The X.Files are the
property of Chris Carter, 1013 Productions and
the FOX Network. I'm just having a bit of fun with
Fox Mulder was not having a good day. When he
awoke that morning, he discovered that someone had
rifled through his drawers, and stolen every pair
of socks that he owned! Then to make things
worse, this same culprit, had also tied all his
shoelaces together, in nasty little hard-to-undo knots.
Mulder had his suspicisions as to who the culprit
was. There was only one person he could think of,
who would pull such a stunt!
"Damn, Krycek!" Mulder mumbled as he struggled
with the laces of another pair of shoes, "Damn the
little rodent!" Mulder began to rant, "Let him
eat my food, and use my stuff, and this is the
gratitude he shows? Damn him!!"
Mulder shook his head in frustration, then hurled
the shoes across the room, knocking over and
smashing one of Krycek's precious bottles of Vodka in
the process. Mulder grimaced at the smashed
bottle, and groaned, "Great!" he then muttered to
himself, "How much worse is this day going to
Mulder casually glanced at his wristwatch, and
cursed colourfully under his breath. Just what he
really needed! To be late for work ... again! With
a snort of disgust, Mulder cast a foul look in
the direction of the room that Krycek was bunking
down in. He then reached under the leather couch
on which he usually slept, and extracted a pair of
old, tacky, slip-on brogues. Mulder quickly
tugged on the shoes, without any socks, then grabbing
his car-keys and jacket, he stood up from the
couch and made his way to the apartment door. As
Mulder left the apartment, he made a point of really
slamming the door as he did so.
When Mulder reached his car, he discovered to his
utter annoyance, that someone had forced chewing
gum into the driver's side lock, as well as the
passenger side! Mulder slapped his forehead, and
cursed loudly, "Oh, geez! Krycek!" He shook his
fist in the direction of the apartment building,
and then with his handy little FBI issue doorlock
unpicker, Mulder began to poke at the sticky
substance within the locks.
A good fifteen minutes later, and Mulder had
every single little scrap of gum residue cleared from
both the locks. With a sigh of relief, he opened
the driver's side door, and slipped in behind the
steering wheel. Mulder stuck the key in the
ignition, started the engine, then noticed to his
horror that the fuel level was just sitting on empty!
He began to fume! Krycek had taken his car again,
without permission again, and had not bothered to
fill the tank ... again!!
Mulder slammed his fist down on the dashboard,
and then steering the car out of the apartment
building's parking area, he turned the vehicle in the
direction of the nearest gas station. Mulder
swung the car into the gas station, only to find
himself stuck behind an old granny who had no idea on
how to use the petrol pump hose, and who
literally bit off the head of anyone who dared to offer
Mulder glared impatiently at the granny, and then
quickly glanced at his wristwatch.
"Oh crap!" He gave a deep groan. Man! Skinner was
going to have his ass in a sling in more ways
than one! He was late, really late. The latest he'd
been in a long, long time! No doubt he would be
the dubject of a severe ticking off when he
finally arrived at the Bureau!
After what seemed like an eternity, the granny
finally figured out what she was supposed to do
with the petrol pump, had her car filled and was
preparing to leave the gas station. Unable to resist
the urge, Mulder quickly wound down his window,
and fairly screamed at the old woman, "Now she
gets it! Hallelujah! Praise be!!"
The granny turned in her car to consider Mulder,
fixed him with a dark stare, and responded to his
comments with a rude finger gesture. She then
sped from the gas station and disappeared into the
sea of traffic.Mulder watched in a stunned silence
as the granny departed, then got down to the
business of filling his own car.
Tank full, and Mulder was back behind the
steering wheel, and heading towards the J.Edgar Hoover
Building at a reasonable speed. He couldn't help
but grin as he navigated easily through the
traffic. Maybe this day wont be so bad after all, he
thought as he cruised along. Fingers crossed!
Mulder made it to the FBI building without any
further hassles. He slowly turned into the parking
area of the FBI grounds, and found an empty bay
next to Dana Scully's car, and brought the vehicle
to a smooth halt. As Mulder then made his way to
the main enterance of the FBI building, he
noticed a few people sniggering and staring at him. One
even had the nerve to point at him! Mulder
glanced down to look at his shoes, and almost had a fit
when he realised that the brogues he pulled from
under the couch that morning, were not the decent
black ones he just assumed he was wearing, but
the really old crappy white ones! Mulder groaned
his distaste, and in effort to hide his
embarrassment, he smiled politely at the staring people, and
as he briskly made his way into the FBI, he
silently prayed that no one else would notice.
Without managing to attract any further attention
to himself, Mulder made his to office within the
Basement of the J.Edgar Hoover building. Just as
he was about to make himself comfortable at his
messy desk, there came the dreaded buzz on his
desk intercom, and Skinner's secretary's voice
greeted him in an almost mocking tone.
"Agent Mulder" the voice began, after a brief
crackle of static, "The Assistant Director would
like to see you in his office." There was another
crackle of static, and the secretary added almost
viciously, "Right NOW!"
Mulder slammed his fist down hard on the intercom
to silence it, then after kicking the leg of his
desk a number of times, he then reluctantly left
the basement and made his way to the Assistant
When Mulder entered Assistant Director Walter
Skinner's office, he discovered his old partner,
red-haired Agent Dana Scully, sitting before the
AD's desk with an extremely smug look on her pretty
face. Come to think of it, the Assistant Director
looked pretty darn pleased with himself too!
Mulder gave the female Agent and his boss a quick
glance before taking the seat next to Scully, and
"Agent Mulder" Assistant Director Skinner then
spoke firmly, removing his glasses and laying them
on the table in front of himself.
"Sir?" Mulder questioned unsurely, expecting, but
not receiving any moral support from his one-time
"Agent Mulder" Skinner repeated, this time his
tone was low and almost menacing, "Just what the
heck is this?" The Assistant Director lifted a file
from his desk, and literally threw it at Mulder.
"Care to explain yourself?"
Mulder picked up the file from the floor, turned
it over, and read the label on the front."It's my
report on the Garibaldi case." Mulder told the
"Oh, really?" questioned the Assistant Director,
eyebrow raised, arms crossed against his chest.
"Would you like to tell me what the ... uh ...
extra notes are for?"
"Extra notes?" Mulder gave the Assistant Director
a puzzled look, and as he began to open the file,
he noticed to his digust, that Scully was
sniggering... Mulder gave the red-haired woman a
decidely foul look, then turned his attention to the
front page of the report. Mulder noticed nothing, no
peculiarities, not a thing to indicate
unnecessary extra notes, so he turned to the next page ...
and the next page ... and the next. Then there,
on the fifth page, in bold, bright red
handwriting, was a list of rather offensive words,
describing the Garibaldi case, as well, nothing more than
a load of horse droppings, and a complete and
utter waste of the FBI's time and resources. Mulder
stared in absolute horror at the page.
"I didn't write that!" he began almost
breathlessly, "I swear!!"
"Oh?" said the Assistant Director, fixing Mulder
with an I-am-not-amused expression, "Come now,
Agent Mulder, who else would have done such a
thing? Agent Scully would never dare to do something
like that." The Assistant Director paused and gave
Scully a sickly sweet smile, "No not Agent
Scully. It has to have been you, Agent Mulder!" Mulder
gaped back at his direct superior, momentarily at
a loss for words.
"But ... but ...but ..." Mulder then stuttered,
looking from the Assistant Director to Scully.
"No buts, Agent Mulder" the Assistant Director
then commented, shaking his head slowly. Then with
raised hand, a finger indicating the office door,
he added in a low tone, "Back to your office,
NOW, Agent Mulder! And don't let me see your face
again until you have completely re-written that
case file, and also written a thousand word
Mulder gaped again, and stared back at the
Assistant Director, "You can't be serious!" he said
"Very!" replied the Assistant Director simply,
"Now, do I make myself clear?"
"Um ... yeah ... ah ... crystal!" said Mulder
uncertainly. Then rising from his chair, the
offending file in hand, Mulder turned to Scully.
Scully began a high, very girlish giggle, winked
at the Assistant Director, and commented somewhat
mysteriously, "That depends on what you mean,
Mulder rolled his eyes skywards, and groaned in
disgust. Damn those two, he thought as he slowly
made his way from the Assistant Director's office,
Raucous laughter and the comment, "Dig those
funky shoes, Foxy boy!" echoed after Mulder as he
exited the office and slammed the door behind him.
Mulder paused momentarily, glared at the closed
door and cursed under his breath.
Still cursing, Mulder made his way back to the
basement, and to his office. He trudged into the
office, then leant across the desk to switch on his
computer. Mulder just about fell over backwards,
when he noticed the young man seated at the desk,
his damn desk!
Mulder quickly composed himself, and fairly
snapped, "Who the hell are you? What the hell are you
doing in my office? Get the hell away from my
The young man opened his mouth to say something,
but was stunned to silence by Mulder's vicious
volley of words. He leant back in his chair and
just stared back at Mulder.
"You must be Fox Mulder" the young man finally
found his voice, and spoke, breaking the awkward
silence that had dropped, "I've heard a lot about
Mulder just stared back at the younger Agent,
taking in his overly neat appearance, his neat head
of tight curls, how neat his damn office seemed
after he'd only been gone less than twenty
minutes! Mulder noted too, a vague familiarity to the
young man's face.
"Oh yeah?" Mulder then commented, "Really?" he
glared at the young man, not in the mood for any
stupid games, especially not from someone who would
dare to enter his office and clean it up without
"Yes" said the young man simply, then holding his
hand out to Mulder, he added, "My name's Jeffrey
"Really?" replied Mulder, deliberately avoiding
the young man's gesture of friendship, "Tell that
to someone who cares!"
The young Agent called Spender, gave Mulder a
hurt look, and then lowered his hand back to the
"Fine" he said, beginning to tidy up some files
on the desk top, "If that's the way you feel."
Mulder grunted, then snatched the pile of files
away from Spender. "I'll take those!" He growled,
"And leave the rest of my stuff alone!"
"Your stuff!?" said Spender incrediously. He then
raised his hands from the desk and shook his head
as Mulder swept all the files and other bits and
pieces, off the table and into his arms. He lost
half the stuff to the floor around his feet.
"Oh crap!" Mulder snapped, then glaring at
Spender he added, "Look at what you made me do!"
"Me!?" said Spender unable to believe his
"Yeah, you!" Mulder snapped again, "You!" He
reached down to retrieve some of the stuff from the
"Geez!" Spender commented dryly, "What a loony!"
He shook his head in disgust.
Mulder leant across the desk, his face close to
Spender's, "That's Mr Loony to you!" he
"Sure, fine, whatever!" Spender remarked, leaning
back in his chair, "Whatever you say!"
Mulder growled again, paced away from the desk,
then returned slowy when he noticed the three
photo frames arranged neatly near the telephone.
"Hmmm ... !" said Mulder, picking up the first
frame, and turning it over to look at the picture.
"Who have we here?" It was a colour photograph of
a grey-haired woman with world-weary eyes and a
sweet smile. "Now she looks familiar!" Mulder then
commented as he took a seat at the desk, "Very
"She's my mom!" Spender then said, reaching
across the desk to snatch the photograph from Mulder,
who had begun to snigger.
"Whoo!!" he laughed "Mama's boy!"
"Oh shut up!" demanded Spender as he gently
returned the photo to its rightful place. He glared at
Mulder, who grinned and then casually leant
across the desk to take another picture. Mulder looked
at the photograph, and couldn't help but laugh.
Spender glared some more. "What's so funny?" he
wanted to know.
"You" Mulder sniggered, "and this chick!" He then
turned the picture to Spender, letting him see
the photograph of himself and an attractive young
woman dressed-up in bunny suits outside the
administration building of the FBI Academy in
"Just give me that!" Spender slightly blushed,
and snatched the photograph back. In a low tone he
added, "Keep your hands off my stuff!"
Mulder ignored Spender's comment, and fixed the
younger Agent with a sly look, "So tell me,
Spender" Mulder paused, and sniggered at the sound of
the guy's name, "Who's the chick ... or should I
say ... bunny?"
Spender fumed at Mulder, giving him a dark,
hopefully vicious stare. "She's not a chick, or a damn
bunny ... " he began through gritted teeth.
"Then who is she?" Mulder interrupted, then
smirking he added, "She's a babe!"
Spender fumed some more, his eyes narrowed and he
tried to sound menacing, "That's none of your
damn business! Okay? Now drop it!"
Mulder leant back in his chair, eyed Spender, and
began to laugh some more.
"What's wrong, Spender, did I say something to
upset you? Come on! Tell me who she is. I won't
drop it, until you do tell me!" Mulder folded his
arms and stared back at Spender.
"Oh crap!" cursed Spender, "Can't a guy have any
Mulder shook his head, "Nope! Sorry, so come on,
out with it!"
Spender gave a deep sigh, and glanced at Mulder.
Noting with disgust, the smug, almost victorious
look on the other Agent's face.
"Okay" Spender then continued, "If this'll get
you off my case ... " Spender paused, then realised
it would be of no use trying to stall with this
guy! "Okay" he began again, "To cut a very long
story short, she's a good friend of mine, Bindi
Lawson, we went through the Academy together."
Mulder nodded his head, "And" he wanted to know,
the smirk returning to his face.
"And what?" Spender asked, wary of Mulder's
"Did you?" Mulder winked and grinned.
"Did I what?" Spender stared at Mulder, and went
bright red in the face, "That's none of your damn
Mulder laughed softly, "You didn't, did you? You
didn't score a home run with her at all! You've
probably never scored a home run in your life!
Don't worry Spender, I wont tell!" Mulder began to
laugh a little louder. Spender slumped back in his
chair, and gave Mulder yet another dirty look,
"Jerk!" he dared to mumble.
"Hey!" began Mulder, slamming a clenched fist
down on the unnaturally tidy desk top, "Who do you
think you are, calling me a jerk? Geez, the nerve!
You don't even know me!" Mulder gave Spender a
withering look, and the younger Agent really leant
back in his chair, to the point where it would
topple right over if he wasn't careful. Spender
blinked at Mulder a few times. What was with this
guy! He wondered to himself. Could all those
stories about Spooky Mulder really be true? Probably,
Spender then thought, as he quickly righted his
Mulder yawned, then stretched, then reached
across the desk to retrieve the last of the three
frames, the one positioned closest to Spender. Slowly
Mulder turned the framed picture in his hands,
giving Spender a smug look as he did so. Mulder
noticed the anxious, nervous look on Spender's face
and commented sarcastically, "What's wrong,
Spender, worried I'll discover another one of your
Spender shook his head no, and just stared back
"Well!" Mulder grinned at Spender, "Let's have a
look!" Mulder turned the frame over one last
time, and then practically stared at the photograph
he held before him, his eyes almost popping from
their sockets in shock. Mulder looked to Spender,
back to the photograph, and then back to Spender
"This picture" Mulder then began almost
breathlessly, "Where ... where did you get it?" Mulder
returned his attention back to the photograph, and
stared once more at the picture. It was a
photograph of a young girl, with long dark hair and a
bright and cheeky smile. She looked to be about ten
or eleven years, and she also looked familiar to
Spender leant across the desk, and snatched the
picture back from Mulder, who didn't protest, as
he was at a loss for words. The young girl in the
photograph, Spender's photograph, looked just
like ... but could it really be?
Slowly finding his voice, Mulder then asked of
Spender again, "Where did you get it, that
photograph ... where?"
"You mean this one?" Spender held up the photo of
"Yeah" said Mulder a little softly, "That
"What's it to you?" Spender wanted to know as he
returned the photo to its place by the telephone
"Because!" began Mulder, his temper slowly on the
"Because what?" insisted Spender innocently.
"Because" Mulder started to growl, "That's a
photograph of my kid sister, dammit!!" Mulder then
slammed his fist down on the desk top again,
causing a startled Spender to jump slightly in his
"Your sister?" said Spender, after composing
himself, "Oh yeah ... right!!"
"She is!" Mulder raised his voice a notch more,
leant across the desk, and glared at Spender
threateningly. "So what the hell are you doing with a
photograph of my sister!?"
Suddenly, Spender began to laugh, a cheeky grin
on his face, "Oh, Agent Mulder" he sniggered,
"I've heard all about you, and your paranoid
delusions. Believe me, this is not your sister!"
"That is so my sister!" Mulder insisted, pointing
to the photograph, "That's Samantha, and I can
prove it!" Mulder then reached into his trousers
pocket for his wallet. From the wallet, he then
took out a small but clear photograph of himself as
a young boy of twelve with his little sister.
Mulder slammed the precious photograph down on
the desk in front of Spender, and pointed at it.
"That was taken about four months before she was
abducted. She was eight, I was twelve ... "
"Oh?" said Spender, beginning to sound a little
interested, "Really? When was that?"
"It was November, the year was 1973 ... " Mulder
responded a little mechanically, then suddenly
realising just who he was talking too, he snapped,
"What's it to you!?!"
Spender gazed back at Mulder, and said nothing as
he picked up the photo that Mulder had laid on
the desk. "When she, Samantha, came to live with me
and my parents, it was in 1973, November too, if
I recall correctly. I was only five at the time,
she was about eight ... " Spender trailed off,
and gave Mulder a small smile, then added, "I
thought it was cool to have a big sister, even though
she used to beat me up all the time!" Spender
grinned at the memory, then continued, "She ran away
from home when she was fourteen, I was eleven ...
my father left soon after, and to this day, I
haven't seen either of them again." Spender gave a
deep sigh, then held the photograph out to Mulder.
Mulder actually smiled at Spender, and graciously
accepted the photograph back from the younger
man. "Once Samantha was gone" Spender then
continued, "My father washed his hands of my mother and I
... " Spender stopped, gave another deep sigh,
and gazed at the photograph of the grey-haired
woman. "Why am I wasting my time telling you this!"
Spender turned his attention to Mulder, "As if you
"You're right!" Mulder insisted, a little
unkindly, "I don't care about you, it's my sister I care
about ... more than anything!" Mulder then began
to scratch the back of his head. "This sounds all
rather bizarre! Could my Samantha, and your
Samantha, be one and the same?" Mulder stared at
"What are you getting at, Agent Mulder?" Spender
wanted to know.
"Well, think about it ... " Mulder became
thoughtful, "In November 1973, my little sister was
abducted from home, right in front of my eyes, and
that same month and year, you find yourself with a
"Hmmm ... " said Spender becoming thoughtful
himself, "You've got a point there, but why?"
"That's what I want to know!" Suddenly Mulder
slapped his forehead, and groaned in disgust, he
just remembered something in his childhood,
something that he'd much rather forget ... an image of
his mother getting rather cosy with another man ...
the Cigarette Smoking Man!
"What's wrong, Agent Mulder?" Spender asked, as
Mulder continued to groan and slap his forehead.
"My mom!" Mulder then began to wail, "Oh my God!"
Mulder slapped himself a few more times, then
glared back at Spender. "My mom ... your dad ... our
sister ... get it!?!"
Spender gave Mulder a puzzled look. "What are you
getting at, Agent Mulder?" Mulder leant across
the desk, and slapped Spender on the forehead.
"My mom ... your dad ... our sister ... !" Mulder
then repeated through gritted teeth.
Spender rubbed his forehead, and gave Mulder a
look of pure shock, "No way!" he gasped, "My dad
and your mom? Never!"
"What!" said Mulder, "Unless you think it was my
dad and your mom!"
Spender shook his head, "No" he said, "Not my mom
and your dad, my mom was supposedly being
abducted by aliens on a regular basis, so unless it was
my mom and an alien ... !" Spender trailed off, a
confused look on his face.
"Well" began Mulder, "I know for a fact it wasn't
my dad and your mom ... "
"Oh?" said Spender, becoming curious, "How do you
know that for a fact?"
"Because" Mulder's eyes became childish and wide
at the memory, "Because" his voice dropped to a
whisper, "Because I saw my mom and your dad ... um
... water-skiing ... together ... except ... "
Mulder shuddered at the thought, "There was no
water!" He crinkled his nose in disgust, and noticed
the look of horror on Spender's face.
"Your not trying to say ... " Spender began a
little unsurely, "That you saw my dad and your mom
... water-skiing without water?" Suddenly Spender
began to giggle. "Oh Mulder! Everyone knows you
can't water-ski without water!" He laughed some
more. Frustrated, Mulder leant across the desk, and
slapped Spender on the forehead again, Spender
stopped his giggling at once, and gave Mulder a
"I don't mean that kind of water-skiing, Spender"
Mulder said in a low tone, "I mean water-skiing
Spender shook his head, and rubbed his forehead
again. "Carpet-style water-skiing?" he said
slowly, "Huh? What on earth do you mean, Agent
Mulder slapped his own forehead again, and fairly
blurted out, "SEX! Dammit, I mean sex!! My mom
and your dad had sex, on the carpet in my dad's
family's summerhouse's loungeroom, and when I ...
ahem ... caught them at it, they told me they were
water-skiing!" Mulder made a gagging noise, and
noticed that Spender had turned as white as a
"Our parents had sex? Your mom ... my dad .. "
Spender began to gag now, "So this means that this
girl in the photograph, is my sister ... and your
sister ... "
Mulder nodded, "My mom and your dad had a kid
together ... she's our half-sister ... and I guess
this kind of makes us ... " Mulder paused, and
glared at the young Agent, "half-brothers!"
"That's not possible!" Spender began to wail.
Mulder leant across the desk and slapped Spender on
the forehead again. "I lost a father and a sister
... and gained you for a brother!?! Oh My God!"
Spender rose from the desk, and grabbed his
jacket. Briskly he made his way to the door of the
"Where the heck do you think you're going?"
Mulder too, rose from his chair, and slowly wandered
"To get as far away from you as possible!"
Spender said, as he nervously waited for the elevator
to arrive, "This is all too much for me! A
half-brother! God, I'll be running into my long lost
father again before too long!" Spender got into the
lift, and before allowing the doors to close, he
yelled, "Just stay the hell out of my office
Mulder, yours is the messy one around the corner!"
The elevator doors slammed closed, and Mulder made
his way to his own office. He trudged towards the
messy desk, and flopped down into the chair. He
shook his head, what a day, what an absolute crap
of a day! Mulder buried his head in his hands,
and began to wail. "Why is it always me, who has
one of those days!?!"