Title: The Camping Trip
Author: Cassie & Kristi
Disclaimer: We don't own Cheerios or Lucky Charms
INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - HWY 41 - SOMEWHERE NORTH WISCONSIN
Mulder is behind the wheel. It's a jerky ride... and snow is pounding down... visability is zero. Marita is seated next to Mulder and on the other side of her is Krycek. All are bundled up for the cold, freezing weather.
Don't worry, I know
where were going.
Alex, give me the map.
Men can't navigate to
save their lives.
Krycek starts to dig through the glove compartment.
It's not here.
Because I didn't bring it.
You didn't bring the map?
(underbreath to Krycek) What
kind of idiot would do that?
He points to Mulder.
Well... the idiot just found
where we are suppose to be.
He grins at himself as they pull up to a cabin.
Let's go get a camping site!
Mulder gets out of the car. Marita and Krycek stay in the car as Mulder trudges through the snow.
Who would do this?
Go camping in the middle
of winter in a blizzard?
He gives her a goofy smile... she rolls her eyes.
The cabin is warm. A mooses head is above the mantle... Mulder looks at it horrified.
Hey mister, what
can I do for ya?
Mulder turns to see a Man (60s) standing behind a desk. He wears a Green Bay Packer sweatshirt. Mulder smiles.
Hi. Um... me and my
friends need to rent
a camping site.
The man just looks at him.
Sonnie, do you know
what time of the
year it is?
The man shakes his head.
Ok... how many people are with you?
The man turns around and gets a clip board for Mulder to sign.
Sign here please.
Mulder starts to sign.
You did read the rules
and everything, right?
Ok then... you're in
lot 64. (beat) It's
just up the way.
The Man points out the window towards a snowy road.
He gives the man a smile and leaves.
EXT. LOT 64
Snow covers the ground. The only color is from the evergreens... which are also covered in snow. Small deer footprints are the only thing that disrupts this peacful ground... until... The big pick-up truck comes roaring through... then slides to a stop.
Mulder jumps out of the car... along with Krycek. Marita slowly gets out.
It's a good thing we
didn't bring a camper...
it's too nice here!
Told you a tent
would be better.
They start to get things out of the back.
Do you guys realize
how cold it is?
Mulder smiles at her.
I'll warm you up.
Krycek glares at him and hardly tosses a sleeping bag at him.
I was just kidding.
Rule number one also
applies out here.
Krycek passes Marita (who is sitting sideways in the car with the door still open) and gives her a kiss on the cheek. She just looks at him dead panned. He walks off to help Mulder set up the tent... then Marita gets a smile on her face. She leaves the car and grabs something from the back of the truck and walks towards Mulder and Krycek.
You're doing it wrong.
I think I know how to
set up a tent, Mulder.
But that goes there!
He moves some pieces around.
Get out of the way, you
don't know what you're
He pushes Krycek away and works on the tent. Suddenly everything standing collapses. They see Marita on top of the tent.
I fell! It's all your
fault! You're the ones
that dragged me out here and...
Oh puh-leez, Marita! You're
the one that tripped over
Krycek points to a big branch that is now uncovered from the snow as a result of Marita tripping over it. Marita, furious with Krycek, stands up and wipes snow from her face and clothes.
Mulder, want to go with
me to the grocery store?
It's warmer there.
She wasn't amused at how Krycek embarrased her by pointing out that she tripped.
I'd like to but, Krycek
doesn't know how to set
up a tent.
I'll be back.
We'll be here (beat)
He smiles at her, she waves goodbye to him. Krycek wonders why he's being ignored. Marita gets into the truck and speeds off. Mulder is waving goodbye.
She's taking off with our truck!
She may not come back.
Mulder's smile vanishes.
Oh. But wait, she will.
She likes you.
Krycek bends down and picks up an armful of snow and throws it at Mulder.
Oh that's mature. I see
why she's so in love with you...
They both head back to the tent to rebuild it.
INT. SMALL PHONE BOOTH.
The grocery store is closed because of the snow advisory. Marita is calling Scully's cell phone. She's shivering very much.
MARITA (on phone)
Dana! Thank God!
Marita? Where are you?
Why? It's got to be
freezing there, you
should have come to
Hawaii with me and Walter.
Hawaii? (beat) Can you
come pick me up?
INTERCUT - SCULLY IN HAWAII
She's dressed in her favorite lime green tank top and shorts. Skinner is behind her... they are on a beach watching the sunset. Skinner is wearing his favorite Hawaiian floral shirt.
Pick you up?! (laughs)
Marita, hon', we're
INTERCUT BACK TO MARITA
freezing in the phone booth... she is now wearing Krycek's winter hat.
Is it nice?
INTERCUT BACK TO HAWAII
From behind Scully and Skinner watching the sunset on the beach.
Skinner whispers soemthing into Scully's ear.
Hey Marita, I've got go now.
Wish me luck.
Give 'em hell.
Marita shiver - laughs.
She slowly walks back to the truck and let's out a heavy sigh.
The pitter patter of Mulder and Krycek's feet crunching in the snow... a snowball flies through the air and whacks Mulder in the butt. There is a 'yelp', a girlie yelp... from Mulder and a manly laugh from Krycek. Marita pulls up in the truck and gets out.
Did you guys know that Dana
and Walter went to Hawaii for
their winter vacation?!
Yeah. They invited us.
I told them we
had other plans.
Krycek and Marita stare him down and then Marita makes a snowball and throws it at him.
Mulder crawls into the tent... there is only one tent... and he knows that they won't throw any snow at him in there... unless they want to sleep in snow...
Marita and Krycek stand there in silence. Krycek, feeling bad for Marita, goes up to her and holds her in his arms (from behind her) and kisses her neck. She caresses his arms and leans into him.
Ya tay-byea loob-loo.
(I love you. in Russian)
Mulder crawls back, he looks terrified.
What's going on?
He sees what's going on.
Hey! I thought you were mad!
Go away Mulder!
Mulder mumbles something under his breath and goes back in the tent. Marita turns to face Krycek.
He's a ncie guy.
Marita goest on her tip toes and kisses Krycek's cheek then goes into the tent to join thier friend. Mulder is sitting in the corner... shivering, pouting, and sad... Hearing Marita and Krycek enter he perks up.
Kumbaya my lord. Kumbaya-
Krycek, trying to sleep cuddles back up with Marita.
Row, row, row, your boat gently
down the stream. Merily, merily,
merily, merily, life is but a dream.
...merily, merily, merily,
merily, life is but a dream.
(louder, stronger, accented, con't)
Row, row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream...
Row, row, row, row your boat
gently down the stream...
Row, row, row, row your boat...
CUT TO OUTSIDE:
There's a crunching in the snow... as we hear three happy people singing "merily, merily, merily life is but a dream"...
A big bad grizly bear, woken up by them. He's mad. The bear goes over to the truck, where Mulder and Krycek left the food supplies. Inside the tent they hear creaking coming from the truck.
What was that?
...if you see a crocadile
don't froget to scream.
He and Mulder scream, causing Marita to scream. They laugh at Marita.
He pokes Krycek with this elbow... they snigger.
There's a noise outside!
Mulder quickly flips off the flashlight. Mulder pounces on top of Marita and Krycek.
The bear growls, looks towards the tent as Krycek peeks out. He's terrified. Mulder and Marita peek out from behind him. The bear stands to approach them, they duck back into the tent. There is a bunch of "EEKS!" coming from the tent. And the tent sways back and forth as they move about trying to hide.
The bear is at the base of the tent... sniffing at the flaps.
Marita sqeals, pulling Mulder and Krycek closer to her, hiding behind them. They smile... however they are scared to death. The bear's head pokes into the tent adn goes right up to Krycek's face. Krycek and the bear are literally nose to nose. Kryceknot caring how wimpy he looks, whimpers. Mulder snorts, hiding his laugh. Then the bear just leaves... no harm done...
Krycek remains there paralized, tears streaming from his eyes. He turns to Mulder and Marita and hug them, and bawls in their arms.
I thought it was the end of me...
Mulder pats his head...
There, there, Alex.
It's all gonna be ok.
Krycek stops crying, becomes serious, wipes tears from his eyes and goes 'macho man' on them.
If anyone tells about
this, (beat) you'll all pay.
Mulder sniggers. Marita tries not to smile, she thought is was cute...
It's morning... Marita is up trying to find out what to make for breakfast. She looks at their boxes of Cheerios and Lucky Charms.
A few minutes later, Krycek and Mulder wake up, they smell something cooking outside. They crawl out of the tent and see Marita has a fire started and is cooking a miz of Cheerios and Lucky Charms over the fire.
What are you making?
Good morning. Since the bear
ate most of our food, I mixed
your Cheerios with his Lucky Charms,
added water and put them over fire
to create a kind of... oatmeal.
Mulder and Krycek look betrayed. Marita has sinned... she broke a rule that was meant to be made: Don't ever mix our cereals.
(holds empty box)
You used it all...
Marita nods her head and stirs the cereal mix. Krycek and Mulder sit down in the back of the truck waiting for breakfast. Within time, Marita brings it. She hands them her invention and waits to see them eat it... she hopes it's good.
Mulder looks afraid of it, but not wanting to hurt Marita's feelings, takes the first bite. He is disgusted, and tries not to show it.
Mmm... it's good.
Krycek decides he should eat it too.
They made Marita happy. She digs into her bowl of the cereal mix, and makes a disgusted face.
Eww... how can you like this crap?!
She splits her bowl between them.
You guys can have it all.
They try to look happy, but they aren't. They behave themselves and finish it all.
ICED OVER LAKE
Mulder and Krycek are dragging Marita behind them in a sled.
(makes whipping motion)
Mulder and Krycek stop.
Shut up... stop looking
at me like that...
keep going... be nice. GO!
They continue out onto the lake, why so far, we don't know. An excited giggle comes from Marita.
Wah pah! Giddy up!
Mulder and Krycek stop.
We're not horses.
Rudolph the red nose
Mulder and Krycek stop.
Ok, I want to ride
in the sled.
Krycek sits down behind Marita. She giggles. Mulder rolls his eyes, he continues. A few moments later, there is no noise from behind him ...
You konw. I better get
the sled on the way back.
Cuz this just isn't fair.
Mulder stops. He looks behind him, Marita is lying on top of Krycek, they are making out.
Geez. You guys are gonna
Mulder kicks the sled, Marita and Krycek fall out.
Krycek and Marita pretend they are actually frozen together. Mulder bends down next to them and breathes the air from his mouth onto their lips.
Krycek, mad, punches Mulder. Mulder tumbles over onto thin ice. He lies there for a moment, then he attempts to stand.
Once he is standing, they hear the cracking of the ice, Mulder gives Marita and Krycek the "oh crappit" look just before he falls into the icy lake.
Marita screams, in the background we see some guy on skis approaching them. His name is Jeremy the Ranger. Krycek starts to crawl out on his stomach to help his friend out of the lake. Jeremy the Ranger arrives, to provide some help. Marita is panicked.
JEREMY THE RANGER
What are you guys?! Idiots?!
Jeremy the Ranger tosses some rope out to Krycek.
What the hell is this for, Marita?!
Krycek looks back, great just what he needed, some random guy that will make him look all stupid in front of Marita.
Mulder's hands are flipping and splashing about. Krycek doesn't use the rope, he alone wants to be the hero, not some hot stud on skis. Krycek grabs one of Mulder's hands and pulls hom out of the lake. Mulder is unconscious.
JEREMY THE RANGER
I'm not putting my
mouth on his!
Marita crawls out there, and shoves Krycek out of the way. Marita starts to perform CPR on Mulder.
I'm officially scarred!
You look like you're kissing
him! (beat) Stop!
Marita looks up at him, not happy.
Would you help?
Get the sled for him!
Jeremy the Ranger, pushes the sled out to them. Once Marita gets Mulder breathing again, she and Krycek roll him onto the sled.
JEREMY THE RANGER
You have to get his clothes
off! I have a blanket in my bag.
Jeremy the Ranger pulls out a big warm blanket from his backpack (gee how convinient is this guy?! LOL :)
Marita looks to Krycek and looks to Mulder.
Ok honey, your turn to help.
Krycek's eyes go big, Mulder is awake, but not really mentally there. Marita crawls back to Jeremy the Ranger to get the blanket.
Krycek starts to undress his friend.
I'm doing this to save you.
I'm doing this to save you...
While chanting this, he closes his eyes once reaching the crucial part ... Mulder's underwear. Marita blindly hands Krycek the blanket and he has to quickly open his eyes to see what he's doing ... OOps!!!!! He catches a glimpse!!!
A rental cabin, Marita gave up the great outdoors idea for a comfy cabin ... on her.
Mulder is lying in a warm bed. Marita is collecting his clothes too wash in ... a washing machine. Krycek is making a fire in the fireplace.
(looking at underwear)
We see the underwear merchandise from Mulder and Krycek's favorite TV show ... "Syndicate X" ... it has a picture of Agent Spendie (similar looking to Jeffrey Spender) ... the word "Spendie" is written on the elastic band.
Krycek? What is "Spendie
underwear"? There's some guy's
picture on it...
He didn't... (to Marita)
it's "Syndicate X" merchandise.
This is scarring ...
Krycek ignores that comment, what he saw out on the lake was scarring enough.
Mulder lying in bed. He wakes up, not knowing where he is. He realizes that he's naked.
Krycek runs in.
No! You fell in the lake!
(to himself, disappointed)
Oh... man... (to Krycek)
How'd I do that?
Krycek walks out of the room...
Why was I skinny dipping?
Marita walks in and sits down on the bed next to him.
He saved your life, you know.
Yes. So did I.
Marita winks at him.
Nice underwear you got.
She smiles and leaves the room, leaving Mulder to wonder who stripped him naked and who gave him CPR...
It's New Year's Eve evening. Mulder, Krycek and Marita are sitting near the fireplace silent. All of them have different things on their minds.
What are you guys thankful for?
They all laugh.
No, seriously. I'm thankful
I've got friends like you.
Marita hugs Mulder.
I'm thankful that we are safe
here and not in Hawaii with
Scully and Skinner. They can be
such party poopers once in awhile.
I'm thankful we're here too.
I got to see you guys in a
whole new light.
She smiles at them... knowing tht their "tough-man" act is just an act, especially from Krycek. Mulder stands up and goes to get something in the other room. Krycek moves closer to Marita and puts his arm around her shoulder. Mulder comes back with a bottle of champagne.
Can't celebrate without the bubblies!
He pours them all some into the empty glasses sitting on the table.
They are all looking at Kyrcek's wrist watch, waiting for the New Year countdown.
MULDER / KRYCEK / MARITA
Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!
Five! Four! Three! Two! ONE! (beat)
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
They all hug each other, Marita kisses Mulder on the cheek and then Krycek on the lips (prolonged)... Mulder goes to set up the camera on the tripod... their one picture from their camping trip... them on New Years.
They stand in front of it, Krycek behind Mulder and Marita, his arms around their shoulders, they are all smiling.
ANGLE - STILL PICTURE OF MULDER, KRYCEK, and MARITA