INT. MULDER & KRYCEK’S APT. – MORNING
It’s a bright and sunny Saturday morning. Mulder and Krycek are watching a cartoon… “The Smurfs”. They sit on the couch eating cereal. Mulder has “Cheerios” and Krycek has “Lucky Charms”. Both are wearing “Smurfs” and “Heman” pajamas.
Mulder swallows his food.
They continue to watch “The Smurfs”. There is a beat of silence between them… we only hear “The Smurfs”… then they laugh.
Moments later, the phone rings.
(involved with “The Smurfs”)
Hey Mulder, it’s Jeff.
Listen, I found you and
Alex some blind dates
-Oh no way. (beat)
Been there, don’t that.
No listen, Mulder. (beat)
They’re really nice people.
(beat) trust me.
Where’m I goin’?
The line goes dead. Mulder hangs up.
Mulder walks back into the living room and plops back down next to Krycek. Krycek looks at Mulder waiting for an answer. Mulder laughs at “The Smurfs”.
(focused on tv)
Nothin’… just some blind
date we’re going on.
INT. LA FLEUR RESTAURANT – EVENING
Mulder and Krycek enter the restaurant. They actually got dressed up. Spender is already there waiting with Mulder and Krycek’s blind dates.
Spender turns around and motions for them to come over. He has a big smile on his face.
FARRAH (Mag. Girl #1)
Uh… hello-ah! (giggles)
Mulder grabs Spender away and takes him out of earshot of them all. Krycek follows.
Are you trying to kill us?
Oh like you don’t know!!
Mulder whacks Krycek over the head.
Spender has no clue what they are talking about.
They both have easily forgotten everything.
(imitating mag. Girl)
“Oh my god my hair”!
They both burst out laughing hysterically. Spender is watching them back and forth.
Mulder and Krycek abruptly stop laughing and look over at Spender.
Mulder and Krycek look to one another.
No way. (beat)
Let’s get outta here.
They start to walk off.
The two girls stand there with their arms crossed. Angela is tapping her foot impatiently… Farrah is playing with the gum in her mouth. Spender panics.
(to Krycek; under breath)
What are you doing?
Krycek pulls Mulder away… they face away from Spender.
(trying to remain quiet)
200 or we leave.
That’s 400 dollars!
They start to turn away.
Krycek whacks Mulder over the head.
Mulder shrugs, he doesn’t know… he just said a number.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. LA FLEUR RESTAURANT – LATER THAT EVENING
Mulder and Krycek sit opposite of Farrah and Angela. The two girls are talking away.
He pulls out some pills from his coat pocket. The girls continue to talk…
Krycek signals a waiter.
Vodka… no ice.
The waiter leaves.
Ohmygod! I know!
Krycek stands up.
(seeming out of it)
Huh? (beat) Oh ok.
He gets up. They leave the table.
I hope not. I think I
could see me living my
whole life with them.
Like! Me too!
INT. MEN’S RESTROOM
Krycek and Mulder burst in the room. Krycek looks panicked… while Mulder seems out of it.
Krycek looks to the very small window that no one but Eugene Victor Tooms could fit through.
He whacks Mulder on the head.
Well you keep knocking me
on the head… I’m not gonna
have no more brain in me.
Mulder yawns, looks around and finds a seat. He sits. Krycek continues to look for a way out. He turns around and sees Mulder.
If we had sheep we
could fly out of here.
SHEEP?! Sheep don’t fly!
What, are you drunk?
Mulder slowly lifts his head… as if he has no energy.
Krycek walks over to Mulder and shakes him.
It’s me, Krycek, (beat)
Listen, I need you guy’s help.
Krycek is pacing the bathroom… Mulder is now fast asleep on the ground.
Langly laughs through the phone.
Yeah… ok. Where are you?
INT. LA FLEUR RESTAURANT – ENTRANCE – LATER THAT EVENING
Three oddly dressed men walk through the door… The Lone Gunmen have arrived. Each of them are wearing goofy hats and trench coats. They approach the Reservation Man.
Frohike looks around before answering.
I’m sorry, but you must
have a reservation.
We are agents of the
government, we need to
know where the men’s room is.
Show these gentlemen
where the men’s room is.
The men’s room?
Glen shrugs it off.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF RESTROOMS
The Lone Gunmen knock on the door of the men’s room. Krycek opens the door in a panic. He looks around.
Krycek quickly grabs them in.
Mulder still lies on the ground sleeping. The Gunmen look down at him.
The Lone Gunmen look to Krycek.
A-are you sure you
know what your doing?
Byers finishes pouring the substance into Mulder mouth. He stands up. They all wait for any kind of response from Mulder. A beat passes before:
Are you sure you knew
what you were doing?
Byers looks at them.
He holds out his hand. Byers puts the vile in his hand. Krycek read the label. After a beat, he looks back to Byers… he seems pissed.
It says it puts people to sleep!
No it doesn’t.
He starts to pace the room… mumbling something in Russian. The Gunmen stand there thinking what to do next… though Byers seems more afraid.
Krycek stops pacing and looks towards him.
That Mulder O.D.ed on sleeping pills?
No… that he fell and hit his head.
That’s great. (beat)
But how are you going
to pull off being paramedics?
You have no cloths for it,
TIME CUT TO:
The Magazine Girls are still sitting at their table.
Is my makeup still ok?
Well here comes Fox.
No. That’s Alex.
Krycek gives her an odd look.
Um… yeah… Fox fell
and hit his head so
I’m going to follow
him to the hospital.
The Magazine Girls look disappointed.
Off their looks…
Like how long is
a check up?
(thinking on his feet)
You see… umm… he needs
to get a liver transplant.
Yeah… so I’ve got to go.
TIME CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE MULDER & KRYCEK’S APT
The Lone Gunmen are helping Krycek carry Mulder into the apartment.
We’ll go in through Mulder’s
door… It’s always unlocked.
Frohike opens the door for them
INT. MULDER’S SIDE OF THE APT.
Byers and Krycek drop Mulder to the ground. They take deep breaths.
Get Mulder taken care of?
He’ll probably be
out for days.
We didn’t set this one up.
Yes, but you put Mulder
on a date with one of them before.
A phone rings.
Hey Krycek! I got another
blind date for you and Mulder!
They’re really nice peop-
He slams the phone down. Off his look…