Title: Sissy Boys
Written By: Kristi
Summary: What the Syndicate does in the free time together...
Date: (first draft)June 28, 2000; (second draft) July 12, 2000; (third draft) July 13, 2000; (final draft) July 20, 2000
Disclaimer I don't own any of the Syndicate members, or West Side Story.


FADE IN:

A TV set in a smoke-filled room. Miami Dolphins vs. Green Bay Packers football game is on. Miami has the ball and they are heading for another touch down. They get it and the crowd continues to be wild.

1ST ELDER (O.S.)
NO!

CUT TO REVEAL:

INT. EAST 46TH STREET, NEW YORK - DAY

The established dark home of the Syndicate. First Elder is not happy with the game... and it shows.

1ST ELDER
This isn't suppose to be
happening. (beat) Who has
done this?

Everyone ignores him and continue to watch the game. But in the B.G. we notice Quiet Willy, twittleing his thumbs, trying to be innocent, as he looks a little too happy for the Dolphins.

Krycek BURST through the door, very loud, probably trying to give the First Elder a heart attack.

KRYCEK
Hey old fellas!

He tosses a few pizza boxes on a table, causing a glass to fly off the table and shatter.

KRYCEK
Oops.

He looks at the TV.

KRYCEK
I thought you were going
to have Green Bay win?

Krycek laughs.

KRYCEK
That's funny.

First Elder glares at him.

2ND ELDER
(re: pizza boxes)
What's in those?

The Second Elder walks over to inspect the pizza boxes.

KRYCEK
You know (beat) pepperoni,
cheese, mushrooms, the usual.

The Second Elder digs through the pizza.

KRYCEK
I hope you washed your hands.

2ND Elder
They're not bugged?

Krycek looks at him oddly.

KRYCEK
Not unless the pizza guy
put a cockroach in it.

Krycek plops down into a chair. The Second Elder glares at him.

KRYCEK
You guys are too paranoid.

The crowd cheers on the TV.

1ST ELDER
What is going on!?

Quiet Willy jumps up in the b.g. and starts to do a 'happy dance'.

First Elder senses movement behind him and turns around only to see Quiet Willy dancing. Quiet Willy quickly stops dancing in mid position.

1ST ELDER
(to Quiet Willy)
You! (beat) You did this?!

Quiet Willy quickly, and quietly, shakes his head 'no'. He quickly sits down. First Elder stomps over to him and starts to argue. Quiet Willy tries to explain only with his actions, as First Elder continues to yell.

The emergency phone line rings, shutting everyone up.

First Elder looks panicked, along with Second Elder. Krycek just continues to watch the game... he could care less.

The Well-Manicured Man calmly picks up the phone.

WMM
(into phone)
Yes?

INTER CUTS:

Marita is on the other line.

MARITA
(not serious)
Hi. (beat) Did I give Elder
a heart attack?

WMM
(serious)
Almost.

He looks towards the First Elder... this only panics him more.

MARITA
(laughing)
I'm surprised he's not dead
yet. (beat) Anyways, I'm
on my way, just wanted to
give him a little scare.

She hangs up the phone.

BACK TO:

INT. EAST 46TH STREET - DAY

The Well-Manicured Man hangs up the phone.

1ST ELDER
(panicked)
What was that about?

WMM
(calmly)
Nothing.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. EAST 46TH STREET - NIGHT

All the lights are off. The TV is still on. They are now watching West Side Story.

The Elders, Well-Manicured Man, and Quiet Willy are very very into the movie. They are also oblivious to:

Marita and Krycek in the b.g. very into eachother. It's a shock that the group doesn't hear their moans or even notice that they have left the couch.

2ND ELDER
(singing with movie)
Maria... I just met a girl
named Maria...

WMM
(to 2ND Elder)
Shhhh....

The door suddenly opens and the lights come blindingly on.

THE GROUP
Aw! What are you doing?

Marita and Krycek don't notice the lights.

The Cigarette-Smoking Man has entered.

CSM
This is what you do in
your spare time? (takes
a drag)

1st Elder quickly turns off the TV.

WMM
We were discussing-

CSM
(holding up movie box)
"West Side Story"...

They all look guilty and say nothing. The Smoking Man notices Marita and Krycek.

CSM
(disgusted)
Why don't you two get
a room?!

The Group turns to see what the Smoking Man is referring to.

WMM
(shocked)
Marita Lynn Covarrubias! This
is not how I raised you!

Marita and Krycek finally notice they have been noticed.

1ST ELDER
And why in front of me?!

Krycek laughs.

MARITA
That's why we came back here.

WMM
What would your mother think?

MARITA
She's not here.

Smoking Man is irritated.

CSM
ENOUGH!!

Getting their attention.

CSM(con't)
(very serious)
I just got back from Japan.
(beat)There have been more
mass abductions.

WMM
(now serious)
Caused by what?

Smoky-Man takes a drag.

CSM
The time is closer than what
we have anticipated.

First Elder shows panic in the b.g.

2ND ELDER
What if they strike before
we are ready.

CSM
Then our survival is inconceivable.

Out of no where, Krycek burst out laughing. Everyone turns to Marita and Krycek... they aren't even paying attention. Marita has just told a joke. The whole group is looking toward them, and they have no clue.

1ST ELDER
(panicked)
What's so funny about that?

KRYCEK
(laughing)
Well... she asked me, 'why
did the chicken cross the
road?' (beat) and I said 'I
don't know'. She told me...
(to Marita) How did that go?

MARITA
(laughs)
Mulder's explanation would
be that it was a government
conspiracy. And Dana would
say that it was some kind
of bio-mechanical reflex
commonly found in chickens.

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: I didn't make that joke up. It was given to me by a friend, and I have no clue who came up with it.)

No one finds them amusing.

KRYCEK
(to Marita)
Guess you have to have
a sense of humor.

She laughs. Smoking Man rolls his eyes and leaves... guess he had more important things to do. Quiet Willy turns "West Side Story" back on and turns off the lights.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. EAST 46TH STREET - LATER THAT NIGHT

"West Side Story" has ended and now they have put in "The Matrix". First Elder has gotten bored and is looking around the room. He spots something on the floor... He jumps up and turns on the light.

They all look at him, save for Krycek who is too into the movie.

1ST ELDER
Kill it, it might be bugged!

He points to something on the ground... a cockroach. Krycek glances over.

KRYCEK
(dead pan; turning back to movie)
Maybe it came in with the pizza.

Second Elder gives him a look.

1ST ELDER
Is someone going to kill it?
(beat) I don't like this.

2ND ELDER
You kill it, you saw it.

1ST ELDER
Are you nuts? I'm not
getting near it.

They continue to argue like this for a few moments.

Marita has had it.

MARITA
You two are acting just like
Walter and Dana when they find
a bug.

Krycek laughs. Marita walks over and squishes the bug.

KRYCEK
Go girl. (winks at her)

She sits back down.

An assistant to the Syndicate enters the room.

ASSISTANT
(to WMM)
Sir, a Mr. Spender is here.

Second Elder quickly turns off the TV.

KRYCEK
Hey?!

WMM
(to Assistant)
Let him in.

Could the Smoking Man have come back?

The Assistant exits. The whole room now looks professional, except for Krycek who just wants to watch the movie. The pizza has been hidden under the table in plain sight.

Moments later, Jeffrey Spender enters with a six pack of beer. He walks over to Krycek and hands the six pack. Krycek gives Spender a twenty-dollar bill.

KRYCEK
Thanks.

SPENDER
It's twenty-five dollars.

Quiet Willy turns the tv back on.

KRYCEK
I don't care.

SPENDER
If you don't give me the
money... I'll give Mulder
a copy of that tape you
and Marita made-

Marita looks up at Spender... the 'don't you dare' look.

SPENDER(con't)
-and he'll do something stupid.

KRYCEK
(sarcastically)
Like break down a wall?
(beat) Oh wait, he's already
done that.

MARITA
(to Krycek)
Give him the money, Alex.

Krycek gives Spender the money, and he leaves.

Marita looks at Krycek.

KRYCEK
What?

MARITA
How did he get the tape?

Krycek shrugs.

TIME CUT TO:

INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APARTMENT - LATE NIGHT

The TV is on, on a low volume that is hardly hearable. The apartment is dim from the tv light. Mulder has been waiting up.

O.S. Mulder hears laughter. He looks towards Krycek's door as it burst open! Mulder stands up as Krycek and Marita stumble into the room.

MULDER
(demanding)
Where have you been?

Krycek turns in shock that Mulder is still up.

KRYCEK
(slurred)
Oh, hey Mulder (laughs)
What's up?

Mulder finally takes a good look at both of them.

MULDER (disbelief)
Are you two drunk?

Krycek looks at Mulder with a goofy/confused look/grin... then realizes...

KRYCEK
Yeah buddy!!

MULDER
(to Marita)
You let him do this?

MARITA
(laughs)
He's just so cute!

She hugs Krycek and gives him a kiss on the cheek. Mulder rolls his eyes, and walks back to the living room.

MULDER
(calling)
You're going to regret
that in the morning.

They aren't paying attention to Mulder. Marita is whispering something in Krycek's ear.

Krycek suddenly bursts out laughing.

Mulder turns startled at the sudden outburst of noise. He walks back over to them.

MULDER
I'm going to bed. I'm
going to need you guys
to be quiet.

Krycek and Marita are still laughing as Mulder lectures them.

MULDER
Can you do that for me?

KRYCEK
(yelling on purpose)
SURE THING, BUDDY!

Mulder rolls his eyes and walks into his bedroom.

They look in the direction Mulder just went for a beat, and then start laughing hysterically.

MULDER (O.S.)
SHUT UP!

FADE OUT:

THE END