Title: "The New Establishment"
Written by: Cassie & Kristi
Disclaimer: We do not own Mulder, Krycek, Scully, Marita, and Skinner do not belong to us. They belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century Fox. We borrow them for our entertainment and your's. They will be returned to normal, Sundays on FOX. Welcome back to insanity. >:-} <---- evil smile...
Archive: This story is meant only for "Fox & Rat" Virtual Series. If you would like to have it on your site, please e-mail us and ask permission. Thank you. And now... on with the show ...


INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APT. - SATURDAY MORNING

ANGLE - KRYCEK

he's sleeping, his mouth smacks.

ANGLE - MULDER

he's sleeping too.

ANGEL - The two of them in separate beds, but in the same room, the aroma of a nice breakfast: pancakes, bacon, and eggs fills the room...

Scully opens their bedroom door and turns on the lights.

SCULLY
Wake up! I made breakfast.

MULDER
(groggy)
huh? You made what?

A legend reveals it's 5:04AM. The guys don't know. They slowly stumble into the kitchen and fill their plates with food.

SCULLY
Here have some syrup.

Krycek takes the syrup and drenches his bacon and eggs in it THEN places the pancake on top.

MULDER
Sleep well Scully?

He accidentally pours syrup into his orange juice without knowing.

SCULLY
Yes, I did infact. That
cot you guys have is
amazingly comfortable-

They walk to the pool table and set their plates on it. The pool table is set for a game of pool... their 'centerpiece'...

MULDER
Really? That's good-

KRYCEK
After we fix up the room
you'll have that bed in
there... it'll be nice.

Scully starts to move their 'centerpiece' (the pool rack with all the balls in it with the cue ball at the other end of the table).

MULDER
(mouth full of food)
Hey! Hey!

SCULLY
What?

KRYCEK
First rule of the apartment
(beat) you never ever move
our endpiece!

SCULLY
It's only pool balls-

MULDER
That's not Rule Number
One, that's number 35.

Krycek starts to mix his mushed pancakes, bacon and eggs together and spoons a large amount into his mouth, grabs the TV remote and turns on the TV.

SCULLY
Oh! "The Smurfs".
I like Gargomile!

Krycek stops on The Smurfs, Mulder flies with all his might to sit directly in front of the TV... revealing a plaid patch on the bottom of his Rocky & Bullwinkle pajamas. Krycek seems to ponder something.

KRYCEK
Mulder...

Scully is carefully using her fork and knife to cut her pancakes.

MULDER
Huh?

KRYCEK
When was the last time
we watched "The Smurfs"?

MULDER
When we stayed up
'til 5am watching
infomercials.

The room goes silent, as Mulder and Krycek turn their heads towards Scully as she chews her pancakes (squish squish, gulp.)

KRYCEK
(to Scully)
Did you break Rule 130?

SCULLY
What's Rule 130?

MULDER
No waking up before
noon on weekends.

KRYCEK
Rule 112 is; on
weekends, bedtime
is five or six in
the morning.

Mulder crawls to the couch and lies down and immediately falls asleep. Krycek lies down on the floor and falls asleep.

CUT TO:

INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APT. - LIVING ROOM - EARLY AFTERNOON

Mulder exits the official bathroom of their apartment (Krycek's apt bathroom)

MULDER
I think Scully used *our*
bathroom... I found some
rosebud (reads on bottle)
Shower Gel...

He looks up confused.

MULDER
...and I smell like a flower.

KRYCEK
You used it?

They shrug it off, as Mulder goes back into the bathroom followed by Krycek.

INT. OFFICIAL BATHROOM

Mulder takes out his Scooby-Doo toothbrush and puts toothpaste on it... Krycek takes out his 60 Second Time Machine toothbrush that has red flashing lights, and puts toothpaste on it.

MULDER
(singing)
Scooby Scooby-Doo
Where are you, we've
got some work to do now...

and he starts to brush...

KRYCEK
(smart ass)
I don't have to
move my hand...

Krycek pushes a button that starts the brush tip rotating and the red lights flashing right along with electronic random beeping noises. The two start gurgling...

Mulder spits into the sink, Krycek spits in the sink and gargles some Scope mixed with water. Mulder spits into the sink, at the same time that Krycek spits onto Mulder's head... missing the sink.

MULDER
Now that was disgusting.
I thought we had this
down good.

KRYCEK
I didn't like the
Rosebud smell.

Krycek starts 'hehe'ing. Mulder takes his shirt off getting ready to take a shower... again... Krycek leaves the room.

CUT TO: LATE AFTERNOON

Mulder and Krycek are sitting 'Indian style' on their pool table. Pieces of color paper and stencils all around them. Mulder holds up a sign that reads "SCULLY'S BATHROOM". Krycek holds up a sign that reads "MANLY MEN". A goofy grin appears on his face as he shows it to Mulder. Suddenly, the door opens and Scully enters.

SCULLY
Do we need groceries?

She quickly walks past them and into the kitchen.

SCULLY (O.S)
How old is this stuff?

KRYCEK
What stuff?

SCULLY (O.S)
Um, the orange juice and
turkey sandwich meat...
is that all you guys have?!

MULDER
Probably...

O.S. we hear Scully say "ew" and throw something away... Scully comes back into the dining room.

SCULLY
Come on, let's go.

MULDER
Yay! We get to see Bob!

FADE OUT:

FADE IN:

INT. MULDER & KRYCEK'S APT HALLWAY - EARLY EVENING

The elevator dings open and movers carrying some furniture head towards the apartment across the hall from Mulder, Krycek and Scully.

Four movers carrying a couch appear. Sitting on the couch are Marita and Skinner, in bathrobes, eating chocolate ice cream with chocolate syrup on top and chocolate chunks on top of that.

MOVER #1
On a chocolate kick?

They pathetically shake their heads 'yes'.

MOVER #2
Have a bad honeymoon?

SKINNER
(pathetic, sad)
Didnít have one...

Marita pours more chocolate syrup.

MOVER #1
Why the bathrobes?

MARITA
I'm depressed.

The movers look at each other and pick up their pace and set the couch down in the apt. After all Marita and Skinner's things are brought in,...

SKINNER
Do you feel better
closer to her?

MARITA
Kind of... I think
I need more chocolate...

Skinner pours more in her empty bowl... she's got chocolate soup now...

CUT TO: HALLWAY

Scully, Mulder and Krycek are carrying large heavy bags of groceries. Skinner walks out in his robe... he looks at them. Scully notices and quickly kicks Mulder's apt. door open.

KRYCEK
How's it goin' Skin Man?

Skinner mumbles something that really isn't something. Sappy soap opera music is heard from Skin Man's apt... "All My Children".

SKINNER
I wonder what's going
to happen to Erica tod-

he shuts the door on Mulder and Krycek.

KRYCEK
Hey, was that Marita in
there? Why's he with her?!

MULDER
Get over it, these
bags are heavy!

They enter and Scully is sitting on the couch, crying.

KRYCEK
Now what?

MULDER
Break a nail?

Scully looks up.

SCULLY
(crying hysterics)
It's not that!

MULDER
(whining)
Stop your whining.

SCULLY
It's... Walter! (beat)
Hand me some Kleenex...

Mulder and Krycek set the bags down on the floor... and sit on both sides of her... trying to be sympathetic.

KRYCEK
(arm around her)
It's okay... Dana...

He gives Mulder an odd look... what do we do...?

SCULLY
Why'd he move here, I
mean (sniff) he broke up
with me... why try to
be near me?...

MULDER
(thinking)
'Cause you smell like roses...

SCULLY
(pathetic)
You think so?

KRYCEK
And... you are beautiful...

MULDER
... and you cook
good pancakes...

KRYCEK
... PLUS it may not
be you... (holding back
crying)...he-he's living
with... MARITA!

Krycek starts bawling his eyes out, prompting Scully to do the same... Mulder is sitting there not knowing what to do with two crying people... he stands up to tape their door labels on the appropriate doors, as they sit there crying.

After finishing that task, and realizing that Scully ad Krycek are crying in eachother's arms, he leaves the apartment.

CUT TO:

INT. SKINNER & MARITA'S APT. - CON'T

Skinner and Marita are still watching soaps...

ERICA (on TV)
Bianca... I'm not really
your mother...

MARITA
What?!

SKINNER
Shh...

ERICA (on TV)
The year you were born,
I was still a man.

Dramatic soap music cues in a commercial.

SKINNER
Oh my God!

MARITA
I knew it!

They haven't noticed that Mulder has entered.

MULDER
(interrupting the FADE OUT)
Uh... guys...

MARITA
Uh-zhuh-huhh... shh!...

SKINNER
You ruined the moment.

MULDER
Ok, anyways... Why
are you here?

MARITA
...because...

MULDER
You've got Scully and
Krycek over there bawling
their eyes out over this.

SKINNER
She's not mad at me?

MARITA
What's wrong with Alex?!

MULDER
(confused/panic)
I don't know!

The soap opera cues in again...

BIANCA (on TV)
Mommy... you were a... man?

Mulder sits down with Skinner and Martia... he picks up a marshmallow with potato chip crumbs on it.

ERICA (on TV)
Yes dear... but as a man, I
had another woman's egg implanted
in me that was penetrated by your
father's sperm...

Dmitri enters on the TV screen...

DMITRI (on TV)
Erica, don't tell her!

ERICA (on TV)
It's too late Dmitri...
it's all been said...

DMITRI (on TV)
Then she knows we
were a gay couple?

Mulder, Skinner, and Marita really are digging this story, their jaws drop open.

MULDER
Wow...

SKINNER
Who would have know...

MARITA
He's gay?!

TIME CUT TO:

INT. MULDER/KRYCEK/SCULLY'S APT. - NIGHT

Krycek and Scully have stopped crying. They sit there.

SCULLY
Where'd Mulder go?

Krycek is thinking thoughts of revenge towards Marita...

KRYCEK
(Berg like...)
Scully, you're beautiful...

He leans in toward Scully, puckering up his lips to kiss her, he shuts his eyes waiting for his lips to meet hers...

SMACK! Scully slaps him!

SCULLY
Alex! You of all people
should know I love only Walter!

KRYCEK
(beginning to whine)
It' never hurt to try...
Marita hates me now...

Scully stands up noticing the groceries on the floor.

SCULLY
I'm going to bed, Krycek.
Put the groceries away.

She walks towards Mulder and Krycek's bathroom...

KRYCEK
NO! Thatís not your bathroom!

SCULLY (O.S)
60 Second Time Machine Toothbrush?!

Krycek runs into the bathroom.

KRYCEK
(embarrassed)
That's not mine!

SCULLY
(knowing the truth)
Oh sure...

She turns off the lights, pulls Krycek in and closes the door.

OVER BLACK

electronic lights are flashing with little beeping noises...

SCULLY
Cool!

KRYCEK
Isn't it?!

They giggle...

FADE OUT:

THE END