Title: Disturbing Behavior
Author: Cassie
Date: 11-9-00
Authors Note: I don't know why I do the things I do...
Summary: The agents get into some trouble concerning their behavior in the office.
Rating: PG, for stupid pranks and some suggestive dialogue and 2 mildly suggestive scenes... I guess... I suck at rating this stuff LOL
Long Awaited Disclaimer: Mulder, Krycek, Scully, Marita, Skinner, Doggett, Spender, Kersh belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century Fox. Bindi Lawson was created by Ging (and her use has been approved), Agent Robert Alfredo was created by Cassie and Kristi (Thank you Alfred for being you. ~Us), though Alfredo is based on a real person, he is nothing like how we portray him in these stories (except when it comes to returning videos *ahem*... and we thank Alfred for finally returning that which was borrowed so very long ago...) END OF DISCLAIMER. :D

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INT - MULDER/KRYCEK/SCULLY'S APARTMENT - MULDER/KRYCEK'S BEDROOM - LATE MORNING
MONDAY 9am

Mulder is sound asleep, there is no sound of anyone else in the apartment. SUDDENLY his alarm clock radio turns on... really loud.

RADIO DJ
(loud and clear)
It's 9 'o clock! If you're still
in bed, you're late for work (fake laugh)
And now for a flash from the past...
"Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go", Wham!

Hearing the radio DJ, Mulder's eyes slowly open, glaring at the clock. He looks at it in disbelief and sits up in bed.

MULDER
Crap.

He turns off the radio, and gets out of bed.

MULDER
(yelling)
Krycek!? Scully!?

There's no answer, so Mulder decides to go take a shower. As he walks into the bathroom, he slips in a puddle of water and hits his head on the toilet seat. This knocks him out for awhile.

TIME CUT:

Mulder is entering the dining room ... well, the area in the kitchen with a small table in the middle, not really a "dining room" but it's where they eat when there's a game of pool being played.

Mulder is all nicely dressed for work, in suit, he's finishing tying on his tie. He notices a note on the table and reads it:

ANGLE - NOTE

It says: "Mulder, we left without you. Find your own way to work. -Krycek & Dana. PS: We took your car."

Mulder slams the note back down on the table and let's out an angry sigh. He heads over to the refridgerator to get some milk for his breakfast... ok... so there's no milk... so he goes to the cabinet to get some "Lucky Charms". He lifts the box up and starts to shake it... there's no noise of cereal... the box is :::gasps::: ... EMPTY!!!

Hopeless, Mulder takes out some coffee beans and digs into it with a spoon and chews it on his way out the door... this does not bother him... he must do this a lot. Ewwww...

CUT TO:

EXT - MULDER/KRYCEK/SCULLY APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Mulder is standing on the curb hailing a cab, a speeding car flies by him, right through a muddy puddle, drenching Mulder. We see a cab approaching in the distance, Mulder holds his arm up in the air to catch it's attention, but it passes right by him, switching on it's "OFF DUTY" sign.

CUT TO:

INT - SKINNER'S OFFICE WAITING ROOM

Scully, Krycek, Doggett, Spender and Lawson sit there, waiting to attend a meeting concerning their inappropriate behavior in the office. Doggett looks the least worried.

SECRETARY
Agents, the Assistant Director
can see you now.

They all stand up and file into Skinner's office one by one.

INT - SKINNER'S OFFICE

Skinner sits calmly at his desk, a serious expression on his face. He stands up as Agent Doggett closes the door behind him. They all take their seats around his desk.

SKINNER
Agents, it's been brought to my
attention that recently your
behavior in the office has been
inappropriate.

They all sit there uncomfortable, as Skinner stares them down.

SKINNER
Tardiness, adolescent arguements
offensive and highly unprofessional
acts of expressing your (beat) feelings
for one another.

Skinner looks at Spender and Lawson. Spender's face is beet red, he knew he and Bindi shouldn't display themselves for the whole Bureau to see, on security cameras. Bindi's face remains normal.

SKINNER
Water balloon fights, giving
a swirly to Agent Alfredo...
(looks at notepaper)
gluing the bottom of toilet seats,
eating lunch in the Janitor Lounge -

KRYCEK
(whispering)
- Where?

SCULLY
(whispering back)
Nicest room in the basement.

Krycek nods his head... hmmm wonder why he never found out about that place... how typical. Skinner has stopped talking, he's looking at his agents...

SKINNER
(confused)
Where's Agent Mulder?

Scully and Krycek try not to smile while trying to hold back their laughter, Skinner takes notice.

SKINNER
I'll ask one more time.
Where's Agent Mulder?

Scully breaks and bursts out laughing hysterically.

There's a BEEP on Skinner's intercom.

SECRETARY
(on intercom)
Agent Mulder is here.
Should I let him in?

SKINNER
(into intercom)
Yes.

Scully stops giggling, as Mulder opens the door. He's got ace bandage poorly wrapped on his head, his suit coat arm is torn off, and one part of his pant leg is ripped to bits and he's wet with mud blotches all over him.

MULDER
(deadpan)
Sorry I'm late, Sir. I've
had a rough morning.

Everyone's eyes are on Mulder, they wonder just what the hell happened to him.

SKINNER
(annoyed)
And yet another example...
not dressing appropriately.

Mulder rubs his hand on the back of his neck... it's not exactly his fault.

SKINNER
Agent Mulder, I was just discussing
the behavior of you six agents
in the past few weeks -

DOGGETT
Sir, what exactly am I doing here? (beat)
It's not like I'm in on what's been
going on between Agents Krycek, Mulder,
Spender and Lawson -

SKINNER
(BINGO!!)
AH HA! Agent Doggett, I believe
you know why you are here.

DOGGETT
No Sir, not exactly.

SKINNER
You are here, Agent Doggett because
I would like to show them how they
should behave while at work, and you
are the perfect example (beat) never late,
mature, hard working, determined, and
respectful. On your way up some would say.

Skinner looks to the other agents.

SKINNER
(nodding head to Doggett)
This man is who I want you
to be more like.

BINDI
(looking Skinner in the eye)
We will try our best, Sir.

SKINNER
Good. You are all dismissed.
Mulder, go change your clothes,
make yourself presentable.

MULDER
Yes Sir.

CUT TO:

FBI HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Mulder, Krycek, Scully, Spender, Lawson and Doggett are receiving odd looks from other agents, making them wonder how much everyone knows of the x-files division.

As they enter the elevator, Spender hits the button for the basement. They all remain quiet until the doors close.

SPENDER
(whining)
If Krycek and Mulder hadn't started
that water balloon fight last week,
we never would have been called in.

SCULLY
(laughing)
Yeah, well, if you and Bindi hadn't
tried to make those home videos
in the forensics lab, we wouldn't have either.

SPENDER
(shouting)
That wasn't my idea!

BINDI
(shouting)
Oh really, Jeffrey?! I think we could
go ask security for the tape to find out
who suggested "jumping each other like
hot bunnies, right then, right now"!

KRYCEK
(interrupting)
I still think it was funny
to give Alfredo a swirly.

MULDER
(laughing)
Skinner mentioned that too?!
Why didn't he have Alfredo come?
Doesn't he know that Alfredo stole
our porn??

Doggett moves in a bit closer to Mulder and leans in to whisper in his ear.

DOGGETT
Mulder, you never did explain
what happened to you this morning.

MULDER
Well, two certain people, who will
remain nameless (coughs) Krycek! Scully!
(coughs) decided to take my car to work
this morning... and neglected to wake me
up when my alarm clock didn't work.

Scully and Krycek start to laugh in the background.

DOGGETT
That still doesn't explain the
ace bandage and ripped clothing.

MULDER
(quickly)
Uh... water and dogs.

SPENDER
(teasing)
Wild morning you had Mulder, huh?
What's her name?

Mulder ignores his brother. The elevator DINGS open, they all file out and go to their respective offices.

TIME CUT TO:

INT - MULDER/SCULLY'S OFFICE

Mulder is seated at his desk, Scully is pacing in front of the desk, looking a bit frustrated.

SCULLY
Mulder, that's ridiculous! Why
would a ghost, haunting the subway,
charge people for their tickets? (beat)
After they had already paid for them?

MULDER
(shrugging shoulders)
I don't know -

SCULLY
Mulder, face it, this is a case
of someone in need of money. Someone
is just ripping people off (beat)
nowhere near paranormal.

CUT TO:

INT - SPENDER/LAWSON OFFICE

Spender and Lawson are sitting at their desk, face to face. Spender is reading some paperwork. SUDDENLY his eyes go wide as he feels Bindi's foot work it's way up his leg. He looks at her and she's seductively staring at him.

CUT TO:

INT - KRYCEK/DOGGETT'S OFFICE

A ton of unorganized files are lying on the 2 desks in the room. Krycek and Doggett are busy organizing them and filing them away. SUDDENLY, Mulder bursts into the room.

MULDER
(frantic)
Krycek! Alfredo is coming down!
Get the string!!!

Krycek's eyes brighten up and he runs over to his desk and gets out some white yarn. Then he and Mulder dash into the two empty rooms on both sides of the elevator doors, giddy as 2 school boys. Mulder and Krycek each holding onto one end of the yarn... waiting for Agent Alfredo. Randomly, the heads of Scully, Bindi and Spender appear, peeking out to witness the next Alfredo Prank.

The elevator door opens and Alfredo emerges, Krycek and Mulder life the yarn ever so slightly, right as Alfredo is close enough... SUDDENLY Alfredo trips and falls face first onto the floor. Mulder and Krycek come out of hiding.

MULDER
(demanding)
Where's our tape?!

Alfredo pushes himself off the floor and rubs his hand under his nose, it's bleeding.

ALFREDO
(mature-ish)
You gave me a bloody nose.

KRYCEK
Where's the tape, man?!

ALFREDO
(lying)
I came to tell you that I
sold it on eBay.

Alfredo, angry, goes back to the elevator and leaves.

SCULLY
(off screen)
I told you that wouldn't work.

Mulder and Krycek stand there, not knowing what to do.

KRYCEK
He was kidding, right?

Mulder shrugs. Doggett enters the hallway.

DOGGETT
Mulder, Krycek. I just received
a call from Skinner. He wants
to see you in his office, right now.

MULDER
Aw! Man!

Slowly Mulder and Krycek head toward the elevator, they turn around facing the hallway as the elevator shuts, taking them to their doom. Doggett shakes his head as Scully enters the hallway.

DOGGETT
Why do those two act like that?

SCULLY
Well, I've known Mulder for about eight
years now and have come to the conclusion
that Mulder just can't part from the little
boy inside him. I don't think he ever really
wants to grow up.

DOGGETT
What about Agent Krycek?

SCULLY
I'm not sure.

DOGGETT
He's more mature when
he's not around Mulder...

Out of nowhere, Spender exits his office , his hair a mess and his shirt untucked, yet half tucked in, he looks disoriented.

SPENDER
(rambling)
Krycek got dismissed from university
right before he and Mulder were to
become roommates.

Spender continues down the hall and into the mens bathroom. Bindi soon exits the office with a tiny cough, she passes in between Scully and Doggett, they exchange glances, both knowing what is up with Lawson and Spender. Scully and Doggett raise their eyebrows and go back to their offices to work.

TIME CUT:

Doggett enters Scully's office.

DOGGETT
Agent Scully. I was going through
some old reports of Mulder's about
government conspiracies invloving
a possible... alien invasion.

SCULLY
Yeah...

DOGGETT
I don't think I understand it all.

SCULLY
What don't you get?

Doggett takes a seat next to Scully, at Mulder's desk.

DOGGETT
Well it says here that there is
a group of men in our government
that are cooperating with... alien colonists.

SCULLY
What exactly is it that you don't understand?

Doggett sighs heavily, and they hear running footsteps and giggling from Spender and Bindi, in the hallway.

SPENDER
(off screen/ British accent)
Oh no... don't smear that on my butt!

Scully and Doggett become very uncomfortable. Doggett clears his throat.

DOGGETT
What I don't understand
is why our government would
cooperate with such a thing.

SCULLY
Maybe you should ask Krycek
about that, he may know a bit
more than I do.

SUDDENLY, Bindi and Spender fall into the office. Bindi is sucking on Spender's ear. Then over the intercom they hear:

SKINNER
(filter)
Would you please stop that now
Agents Lawson and Spender! We
have video monitors all over, we
can see you! This is against
Bureau policy!

Lawson and Spender don't listen and continue to fool around. On the intercom, they can hear Mulder and Krycek sniggering. The intercom goes off, Scully stands up.

SCULLY
(yelling)
Agents! Get out! You're going
to get us all in trouble again!

She shoves then out into the hallway, just as Skinner, Mulder and Krycek exit the elevator.

SKINNER
Ok! Stop it right there,
Agent Scully!

SCULLY
But ... Sir.

Scully and Skinner look at each other, aroused, yet with uncomfortable sexual tension.

KRYCEK
(smirking)
Uh. Oh.

MULDER
(teasing)
Whatcha gonna do?

SKINNER
(yelling)
SHUT UP!

Scully makes an angry, flirtatious CAT MEOW at Skinner and raises an eyebrow.

BINDI
It's not fair!

SKINNER
(innocent)
What's not fair?

BINDI
You and Agent Scully. You
were a couple once, that's even
worse than doing your partner!
'Cause in her case, she was doing
her superior.

MULDER / KRYCEK
Ooooooohhhh...

Scully turns to Bindi.

SCULLY
(snaps)
I like powerful men!

KRYCEK
(cough)
Smoking man!
(coughs)

Krycek tries to look all innocent and clears his throat.

SKINNER
(fed up)
Won't you please get back to work?!

Mulder, Krycek, Bindi scatter back to their offices as Scully and Skinner remain in the hallway, allowing the sexual tension to build.

SKINNER
Agent Scully, I need to speak
with you in my office immediately.

SCULLY
(quickly)
Yes sir.

Scully and Skinner frantically head toward the elevator trying not to show the sexual tension that continues to grow. They step inside the elevator and stand there waiting for the doors to shut. Once they close, scully looks at Skinner passionately. He takes a step closer to Scully and places his hands roughly on her face and without saying a word, they liplock into a heated kiss. Scully tilts her had back as Skinner kisses various sections of her neck. The elevator stops and so do they (years of practice). The door opens and Kersh is standing there, he looks at them suspiciously.

KERSH
(nods)
Agents.

Scully and Skinner nod at him as they exit. As they walk toward Skinner's office, Scully's cell phone rings. She answers it.

SCULLY
Scully. (beat) Really? (beat)
Well that's interesting (beat)
Ok, I'll be right down.

She hangs up the phone.

SKINNER
(opening door to his office)
Who was that?

SCULLY
Mulder. He says he's received
new information in our subway
ghost case. He wants me to go
over it with him.

SKINNER
Now?

Scully nods her head "yes", she begins to leave but turns to face Skinner again... something needs to be said ... she doesn't want to, and it shows through the expression on her face.

SCULLY
(informal, soft tone, caring)
It's best we don't get involved
again anyways, Sir. We both know why.

With that, Scully leaves his office and walks back to the elevator to get back to work with Mulder. Leaving Skinner there alone... again... destiny is destiny.

THE END