Title: Heart-Shaped Racket
Author: Jill
Disclaimer: Mulder, Krycek, Scully, Marita, Skinner do not belong to the author, they belong to Chris Carter, Ten-Thirteen Productions and 20th Century Fox. Sven Svenson belongs to Jill.


We see an extreme close up of a tennis ball being tossed up and down, as if the player tossing the ball is getting ready to serve. Suddenly, a tennis racket smashes the ball, and....


Nothing is seen, all we hear is, "Oh shit!" and soon the sound of a door opening and footsteps coming inside. A lightswitch being flicked on is heard, and suddenly we see MULDER in the middle of his living room, turning around to face the door. Camera reveals the person who just arrived, KRYCEK in his work clothes.

KRYCEK~ (very irritated) Damn it, Mulder! Not again!

MULDER~ (like a frightened child) Sorry, Alex....I mean, it was....

KRYCEK walks toward the tv, shaking his head. MULDER is/was watching a tennis match.

KRYCEK~ (shutting off the tv) This has gone way too far! You, throwing around that tennis ball everywhere! This is the fourth lamp you've broken this week!

KRYCEK moves to the couch and looks down in disgust at a shattered lamp, and MULDER'S tennis ball in the midst of it. MULDER joins him at the couch, sitting down.

MULDER~ (quietly, ashamed) I didn't mean to, I'm sorry.

KRYCEK sighs loudly, sitting down next to poor MULDER.

KRYCEK~ (concerned) Why, Mulder? Why the sudden obsession to hurl a tennis ball all over the apartment? Also, why has tennis been the only program on tv you will watch?

MULDER~ (sighs) You know what time of year it is. February 12th. *Valentine's* Day. It just seems like I'll always be alone....You have Marita, Scully has Skinner....I'm all alone. So, I've decided to make tennis my hobby. Being obsessed with something fun like tennis makes me forget.

KRYCEK~ (awkwardly) Ohhh, I see....Um, do you want me to find you a date or get you a tennis instructor?

MULDER~ (excited, jumping up) Tennis instructor! I want lessons! I swear, I'll never break another lamp again!

KRYCEK~ Ohhh, kay....


We see a gold plated sign on the outside of a gray building, which says "McLaughlin Athletic Center". MULDER and KRYCEK enter through the glass doors to the left of the sign. KRYCEK is dressed casually, but MULDER is wearing a bright purple exercise jumpsuit, with a white t-shirt underneath that says "Beefcake". He is lugging a sports bag over his shoulder.

MULDER~ (inside the massive gym) Wowee!!!

He continues to gape in awe, while KRYCEK drags him to the information desk.

WOMAN AT DESK~ (bored) Can I help you?

KRYCEK~ Hi! My friend here has a lesson with Sven Svenson....

WOMAN AT DESK~ Umm, yeah....Sven'll be here in a sec.

MULDER nods excitedly, then quickly paces around the lobby.

KRYCEK~ (looking at watch) Well, look at the time! Gotta run.

As he heads out the door, MULDER follows him.


KRYCEK~ (turning around) Yeah?

MULDER~ Thanks.

He gives KRYCEK a hug.

KRYCEK~ (uncomfortable) Uh....

Suddenly, a tall, athletic man resembling Jerry O'Connell, only with bleached blond hair, clad in spandex and clutching a tennis racket interrupts their "moment".

MAN~ (in a Swedish accent) Fox Mulder?

MULDER quickly pushes KRYCEK away.

MAN~ (smiling, extending his hand) I am Sven Svenson, your tennis instructor.

MULDER~ (thrilled, grabbing Sven's hand) It's a pleasure.

SVEN shoots KRYCEK a playful look, winking.

SVEN~ Sorry to interrupt, but I *need* your friend now....

KRYCEK~ (puzzled) Fine, bye!

He immediately leaves.

SVEN~ (putting his arm around MULDER'S shoulder) Let's turn you into a champion.

They head toward one of the gyms, as we FADE OUT.


KRYCEK and MARITA are walking down a city street arm in arm, bundled up against the winter weather.

KRYCEK~ I'm telling you, Marita! There's something about Sven that makes me uncomfortable!

MARITA~ (calmly) Alex. He's probably just being friendly....to *your* friend, Mulder. You're probably just jealous that Mulder is spending time with a *new* friend.

KRYCEK~ (mumbling) Whatever....

They enter the doors of McLaughlin Athletic Center. SVEN and MULDER are talking intently, oblivious to their entry.

KRYCEK~ Mulder?

MULDER~ (distracted) Oh, hi!

MARITA'S eyes instantly lock on SVEN.

MARITA~ (flirtatious) Sooo, Fox....aren't you going to introduce me to your new friend?

She winks at SVEN and KRYCEK glares at him.

SVEN~ (kissing her hand) Hello....

KRYCEK clears his throat loudly.

KRYCEK~ (annoyed) We need to go *now*, thank you.

He drags MULDER and MARITA out the doors by the arm. They walk down the street in silence for a few moments.

MARITA~ (exclaims) Oh. My. God! What a hottie!

MULDER~ (grinning) He's an excellent instructor, too! We also have lots of stuff in common! Tonight, Sven invited me to dinner and a movie!

KRYCEK abruptly stops walking.

KRYCEK~ (shocked) What?!?!

MULDER~ (nodding eagerly) Yep! It's gonna be great!

KRYCEK~ (rolling eyes) What have I done?


We see the extreme close up of a movie screen, and the words "Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2" coming across the screen. The camera scans the crowded theater, as if we are looking for someone. Soon, the camera pauses on MULDER and SVEN in the dim light. SVEN'S arm is draped across the back of MULDER'S chair. MULDER appears uncomfortable.


All we see is a tennis ball being smacked, similar to MULDER'S tennis match on tv in the beginning. Then, another ball is hit. The camera reveals SVEN serving the balls. Soon, MULDER, KRYCEK, MARITA, and SCULLY walk onto the indoor tennis court at McLaughlin Athletic Center. Only MULDER is dressed for tennis; his friends are dressed more appropriately for a night on the town.

SCULLY~ (whispering in MARITA'S ear) Holy heck! I could spread Sven on a cracker, he's hot!

SVEN stops playing tennis.

SVEN~ (warmly) Fox! And friends!

SCULLY and MARITA giggle, but KRYCEK glares at SVEN jealously.

MULDER~ (sadly) Bye, guys....Have fun on your dates tonight.


SVEN~ (concerned) Fox? You seem upset.

He walks toward a bench and MULDER follows.

MULDER~ (sighing heavily) Sven? You know I....

SVEN holds MULDER'S hand.

MULDER~ (continuing) ....like *boys*....I mean, girls! Right?

SVEN~ (chuckling) Oh, Fox....I'm not trying to start *anything* here....I can just tell that we're two lonely hearts, joined by a heart-shaped racket.

MULDER~ (jumping up) I'm lonely....

He starts running toward the door.

MULDER~ (hollering) But, I'm not gay, dammit!

SVEN picks up his racket, sighing as we FADE OUT.


The green digital word "Play" from a cd player is the only visable object inside a dark room. We soon hear the beginning of "Heart-Shaped Box" by Nirvana. A lamp is turned on. MULDER is lying on his couch, still wearing his tennis clothes.

MULDER~ (singing quietly) "Forever in debt to your priceless advice...."

A tear rolls down his cheek.

MULDER~ Krycek is with Marita. Scully is with Skinner, yada, yada....It's freaking Valentine's Day, and I've lost my only friend because he thinks I'm *gay*.

He slowly sits up, picking up an unidentified magazine from the floor.

MULDER~ (whispering) You know, I don't even care anymore.


A fist belonging to MULDER is knocking on an apartment door. SVEN soon answers.

SVEN~ (tired) What.

MULDER~ (apologetic) I'm sorry if I was mean before.

He pauses.

MULDER~ (continuing) Look, it doesn't matter who you are or what you think I am. You're still my friend, and you're the only person I know right now who will listen to me rambling on and on about how I think my fish are plotting against me on Valentine's Day.

SVEN~ (laughing) Unfortunately for me, yes....Are you sure you want to spend Valentine's Day with me, even after everything that has happened?

MULDER~ (beaming) You betcha! Ohh, that reminds me....I got you a "thanks for being such a great tennis instructor" gift.

He pulls the magazine he was looking at before out of a bag.

SVEN~ (excited) The Kurt Cobain interview issue of "The Advocate"! I've been looking for this forever, thanks!

MULDER~ (smiling) No problem....Now, let's go to the restaurant where Krycek and Marita are having a romantic dinner right now, to annoy the hell out of them!

SVEN~ (leaving his apartment) Great plan, my brother!

We see them walking down the hall, and hear "Heart-Shaped Box" in the background, as we FADE OUT.


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